Alternatives to the “Gay Bomb”

Reporters have been abuzz recently over the release of a document revealing that, in 1994, the U.S. military asked for $7.5 million to develop a bomb filled with aphrodisiac chemicals intended to cause “homosexual behavior” that would “affect discipline and morale in enemy units.” Now, Jon Ronson of the U.K. Guardian writes of another leaked Air Force report containing additional ideas for “non-lethal” technological weapons. He describes them as follows:

There’s the “low-frequency infrasound” which “easily penetrates most buildings and vehicles” and creates “nausea, loss of bowel control, disorientation, vomiting, potential internal organ damage and death.”… There’s the race-specific stink bomb and the chameleon camouflage suit, both of which have apparently never got off the ground because nobody can work out how to invent them, and a special pheromone that “can be used to mark target individuals and then release bees to attack them.”

Then there’s the prophet hologram — “the projection of the image of an ancient god over an enemy capitol whose public communications have been seized and used against it in a massive psychological operation.”

Any other ideas out there for equally creative “non-lethal” battle techniques?


jack bauer

How about dropping Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer into a war zone with a toothpick, one spoon, and some duct tape...

About the gay-bomb, According to The World Weekly News, the terrorists already have it.

pabell

If it causes death, it is not nonlethal.

kheins

There's always this...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6297149.stm

bilweav

I can't believe no one's tried to create a forcefield. I mean come on, forcefields logically precede prophetic holograms.

egretman

What would prevent the enemy from projecting a 900 foot Jesus to our troops? It scared Oral Roberts into funding his now defunct med school. Imagine what it would do to normal people.

There must be a law that this will never happen based on Mutually Assured Prophetic Disruption. God willing.

buster

why don't we just give everyone in the county that is hatin on us video ipods prefilled with awesome american and native country music, also britney spears and michael jackson and paris hilton videos should be loaded as well. We could send alot of ipods with the amount of money we are currently spending.

egretman

It's just like the military to believe that an all gay army would affect discipline and morale in enemy units.

Hell, it might turn them into a bare-breasted loin-clothed mighty army like the Spartans. Guys who shower together are more apt to want to die defending their buddies, aren't they?

dbm

Perhaps a less lethal version of this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=IysnS5wO60g

kah

Put a good selection of Western classical music on the ipods, too. There's nothing like a Beethoven piano sonata to mellow you out.

kah

The ipods should stress good music, not salacious morals. stick the moral high ground here.

kah

The god projection sounds a little tacky to me. My grandma always said that it never pays to be tacky.

egretman

There's the race-specific stink bomb

I trying desperately not to go there.

lermit

That kind of thing is allowed only in knigth tight communitites. In other places it is considered grounds to divorce and further action.

.lermit

poobah

"It's just like the military to believe that an all gay army would affect discipline and morale in enemy units.

Hell, it might turn them into a bare-breasted loin-clothed mighty army like the Spartans. Guys who shower together are more apt to want to die defending their buddies, aren't they?"

Six posts later and no one has left a reply about "gay soldiers never leaving thier buddies behind" I am impressed by the maturity of the posters.

furiousball

I think we should spend money on creating a "brown noise" bomb.

Bill Basso

We've already got the best weapon: powerpoint. We need to swell the ranks of the terrorists with middle management run sleeper meetings. That will take care of the sleeper cells.

Also, send in the Mortgage Bankers. Set em up over there with home equity loans so they can have SUV's, big screen tv's and drive thru Mc Donalds. Who's going to want to go Jihad when they have payments to make and iPods to fill? Who?

Get those silly white plugs out of your ears and listen to me! I axed you a question.

What was I sayin? Oh yeah, then the real nail in the coffin?

Reality tv.

Distribute satellite systems and tivo. Sell em, but make em easy to steal so people will think they are buckin the system.

Just drop em out of the sky. Everyone will become too doped up to complain if you roll out a new age dictator and set up a police state. Well they will notice, but they'll demand more episodes of it on tv. That and more Paris Hilton!

Read more...

Kirilius

Instead of projecting god images, a better idea would be to project a full-length hardcore porn movie in the sky. That would have a much-more distracting effect on the enemy. The advantage is that it would work on most men, not just on religious fanatic ones ;-)

shanek

The "low-frequency infrasound" thing was debunked by the Mythbusters.

Nice to see they're wasting our tax money on garbage...

Endymion

Wouldn't it be cheaper just to kill people? Never mind, with the funding structure the US military uses, probably not...
Also, America's Finest News Source, 3 days ago:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/after_5_years_in_u_s_terrorist

allisons

Just pipe in, on every frequency and on directed public address systems, "Wind Beneath My Wings" all day, every day, for weeks at a time. If that doesn't destroy a peoples will to live, I'm not sure what will.