The next time your daughter brings home a new boyfriend, be sure to ask his middle name

I get a lot of interesting letters in the mail. (To those of you who send me things, I apologize that I so rarely respond. If you want to hear from me, your odds are better — but still not great — on email.)

I got a package recently, however, that really stood out. It came from a Texas woman named M.R. Stewart, who is a proud mother, as well as being grandmother to four pit bulls.

Ms. Stewart has an unusual hobby: clipping newspaper articles of a particular ilk. She sent me copies of her most recent finds. All of these clippings were from her local newspaper, from February 2006 to the present. The articles had two things in common: (1) all of them were stories reporting on crimes, and (2) the perpetrator’s middle name was “Wayne.”

I have to say I was stunned by the number of examples she sent me; in order to protect the potentially innocent, I will obscure their last names:

Eric Wayne XXXXXX — sex charges
Nathan Wayne XXXXXX — kidnapping and beating, homicide
Ronald Wayne XXXXXX — triple homicide
David Wayne XXXXXX — 10 years for practicing nursing without a license
Larry Wayne XXXXXX — homicide
Paul Wayne XXXXXX — Theft
Michael Wayne XXXXXX — theft
Jeremy Wayne XXXXXX — homicide
Garry Wayne XXXXXX — knowingly having unprotected sex when HIV positive
Bruce Wayne XXXXXX — homicide
Joshua Wayne XXXXXX — assault of officer
Billy Wayne XXXXXX — homicide
Billy Wayne XXXXXX — assault
Billy Wayne XXXXXX — attempted murder and robbery
Kenneth Wayne XXXXXX — sex assault
Jerry Wayne XXXXXX — attempted homicide
Tony Wayne XXXXXX — aggravated assault of grandmother in front of her grandchildren, robbery
Larry Wayne XXXXXX — home invasion
Richard Wayne XXXXXX — police standoff
Charles Wayne XXXXXX — homicide

Maybe you could assemble a list this impressive for some other middle name, but I doubt it. Of course, these folks are following the path set for them by the notorious Chicago serial killer John Wayne Gacy, Jr.

(She also collects clippings with middle names that rhyme with Wayne…she sent me 4 DeWaynes, 4 Duanes, and 2 Dwaynes.)

After going through the package, I pulled my two oldest daughters aside (they are six) and told them they were not allowed to ever have a boyfriend with the middle name “Wayne.” Olivia, who is obsessed with a boy named Thomas in her class, is going to check on his middle name tomorrow.


Malcolm Pollack

Well, there must have been shady doings aplenty at Stately Wayne Manor...

aaronescott

OK, I've got two theories...

First, it might be as simple as the fact that people with the middle name of Wayne tend to use their middle name when giving their name. Most of us, when asked our name, likely just give our first and last name. Perhaps people named Wayne tend to use their middle name more often, maybe because it is one of those middle names that sounds good with just about any first name.

Of course, there is always the likelihood that "Wayne" is one of America's most common middle names, and thus, does indeed show up in a seemingly disproportionate number of wanted posters.

However, I tend to think that the true explanation is that the child's angel, knowing the child is going to be a handful, sits on the shoulder of the parent and says, "Wouldn't 'Wayne' be a wonderful middle name--why it goes with practically everything!"

OK, that angel sounded a bit gayer than I intended, but you get the idea.

The angel does this for bookkeeping purposes, because when heaven declares a crackdown on crime every now and then, they just pass around a list with all of the people who have the middle name of "Wayne," and God says, "Keep an eye on these guys--they're likely the problem."

Glad to be of service...I'll send a bill.

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William Wayne W*****

I'm still trying to get my parents to tell me the inspiration behind my middle name, which is also the name they chose for me to go by. Trust me, no one choses a middle name to go by, expecially the name Wayne. I've often thought that my parents named me after the twin cities. . . Wayne / Payne Oklahoma.

I've often times wished I could have gone by William, or Bill, or Billy, or Mac, or Buddy. But instead I am cursed to have to go by Wayne.

My parents are educated, some would say over educated but we do come from a rural area of Oklahoma.

I also work with 4 guys with the middle name Wayne. We meet for lunch and call it our "Serial Killers Club".

My thoughts are if your daughter is dating a guy with the middle name Wayne, go easy on him. However, if your son brings home a date with the middle name Wayne, shoot him and bury the body under your house (Unless your middle name is Wayne). In that case, no jury will convict you.

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Jessie Dillon

Here's another in Texas. Kevin Wayne Anders
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iDyDrdCXr5Nwk3Wu4GgvCRU-_3Tw And check out http://www.newsoftheweird.com/wayne.html

Logan Wayne S.

This article is very depressing, I think i'm going to go rob a conveinece store or something to feel better....

babygurl

I don't think every one with the name wayne is so bad my husbands middle name is wayne and four of his brothers middle names are wayne oh yeah his dads middle name is wayne to. I sure hope their not all some kind of crazy killers or any thing like that I guess I'll have to learn to watch my back.

dbesing

em Fathers name is Lee Wayne .....g . Yet he's still sane wonder for how much longer meh

lucky me i got named after the people in the bible and not my father or grandfather *mu ah hahaha* if i go insane i get to blame the bible ain't it great!

Leana Jo H.

...You forgot to mention Elmer Wayne Henley (accomplice to the Houston Serial Killings in the early 70's)....

But I just need to point out that my husband's middle name is Wayne and he has never committed a crime, doesn't drink alcohol beverages, doesn't do drugs, and is a Born-Again Christian. A name is just a name.

Wayne Kilmer

Maybe for all those people with the middle name of Wayne it is just a case of Wayne envy!

William Wayne W*****

I'm wondering if one could get a fair trial if his middle name is Wayne. It seems that most are predisposed to believe that we, I mean they are guilty already.

William Wayne W*****

Logan, stick around on this site long enough and someone with the middle Wayne will kill you. Unless, you think, there is a professional courtesy for someone with the middle name Wayne.

Do you think there are any murder victims of someone with the middle name Wayne, that were murded by someone who also has the middle name Wayne?

Now. . . that is where some good investigative research could be done!

Cheer up Logan, help may be on the way and his middle name is Wayne.

Stephenie

Not absolutely true...my father's middle name is Wayne, and he is one of, if not the best man I konw. I have to admit it though, this is pretty strange...

stephanie

this is seriously scary. My 20 yr old daughter has been in a severe abusive relationship with a man for one year. I'm talking a bite through the ear.. chocked .. god awful hickys on her neck so that no man would want her.. I just found a formal letter addressed to him. Take a wild guess what his middle name is.

Rebecca

I am mother to Ian Wayne and daughter to a Rickey Wayne. it's not the name its the deed..because both "wayne's in my life are wonderful men and they have never even harmed a fly. I happen to love the name Wayne.

William Wayne W*****

You can love the middle name Wayne, unless you're the one on his menu!!!!

Neme

I have found people's comments much more interesting and amusing than the actual article.

Kenneth Wayne Chupp

I resemble your remark!

kr8tr

Funny. I had a bright young guy working for me who went my "wayne" (his middle name) because he was tired of the "This is my brother Derryl, and this is my other brother Derryl" jokes. Perhaps he'll like Dwayne better now.

Interesting stuff - dig deeper :)

Rob

jake

Wait... did you seriously just write down the name of the kid your daughter has a crush on?

You are in so much trouble.

- Jake

3612

Steer the daughters clear of Fort Wayne Indiana (a middle name on maps) which has only lonely skyscapers and John Chapman's (aka Johnny Appleseed) burial place to recomend it.